"Heaven is watching" the preacher's words jarred through my thoughts and resonated with me, it reminded me of what my grandmother had said to me. "Demilade" she'd said, "your heart is too big and I worry about you, when choosing a spouse - promise me that you will watch closely before letting your heart go, that you will be observant - to judge first who is worthy of you - with a heart equally as big as yours"; And I had tried to live by that motto especially in recent times, I think I know now what my responses to Dipo & Boye will be. Dipo and Boye, two men who happened to both be in my life at the same time asking the same thing, both wanted me to say yes to being more than friends and consider a relationship with marriage in view.
Boye... a cardiothoracic-surgeon, Oxbridge trained like I was, our fathers had been at school together, our parents had introduced us and needless to say for them it was a match made in heaven. Boye was good looking, tall, slender, an impeccable dresser, rather easy on the eyes, had that whole Boris Kodjoe thing going on and had the Oxford tlit to his voice, well spoken and well mannered. He'd taken me out to Claridges for my birthday and made sure we'd called mummy, he let her know he was looking out for me, that I wasn't alone on my birthday. He called regularly for a busy surgeon, almost every other day to say hello. He'd invited me as his date for the annual cardiothoracic-surgeons' ball at the Dorchester, Kemi had said that was a total sign of my 'wifey' status, I'd met some of his work colleagues, it was an absolutely grand affair... plus all the good they were doing in the world saving lives. He was an exteremly intelligent man, went to university at 15 plus, already a consultant and visiting surgeon at teaching hospitals in the UK, US & Australia, at 36 that was a considerable achievement and everyone said what a fine mind he had. We moved in the same circles, it was an easy transition hanging out together socially...
Dipo... Dipo... Dipo, we were both project managers on the same program running parallel projects, he was man's man in a no of ways, average height, slightly stocky, slightly rugged with the cutest dimples ever, he had more of the Taye Diggs look, a Cranfield man - engineer turned investment bank project manager. For my birthday he'd got me the Anya Hirschman glitter clutch I'd been eyeballing the last time we'd been at House of Fraser during lunch, I'd said I'd wait for it to go on sale in January but He'd slipped it into my desk drawer on my birthday. He'd been there when I had foot surgery, groceries and take out in hand, quite unannounced, rang me up 5 mins before and said he was in the area and if it was ok he stopped by to see how I was doing. He'd joked about how he'd worried I'd starve to death, cooking up a storm of a week's supply of jollof rice, spiced chicken and efo, he'd also taught me how to make microwave eba all in the same afternoon - to save me standing on my feet for too long... all the while joking that he just felt like showing off his culinary skills, I think I knew better than that or was starting to... The same way he'd turned up at my doorstep the day after my sister had gone off to the US for her masters program and taken me bowling to cheer me up, he knew how close we were. He teased me whenever he called and my voice was muffled because I had been crying from watching a movie but tried to pass it off as a regular cold. He admired me insistently and was always very attentive whenever we were together.
I had been watching these two men for some time now and my decision was made, good enough my project was rounding off and I had already accepted an offer at a different bank, that would sort out the issue of Dipo and I working together.
Dipo - the man who seemed to know me inside out, despite the tough exterior I put up at work, we worked in a cut throat investment banking environment, there were deadlines to be met and deliverables we had to enforce across our teams, with high maintenance investment bankers to please. He saw through all that, He knew when I was hurting even when I tried to hide it, he made a note of things I liked and his heart was huge; Raised by a single mom, he'd put his brother through university. He was kind and also driven, most importantly he feared God, Dipo couldn't hurt a fly. Boye hmmm you couldn't really fault Boye, he did all the right things but I noticed how he never really remembered anything special or important to me except those "official" good boyfriend type things you had to do to tick the boxes, how his eyes glazed over anytime I tried to discuss my work, how his phone calls only managed to last for not more than 2 mins, he didn't even remember I was going in for surgery and then pretended that he did, his work and his opinions always seemed more important than anything I had to say; I always got a sense that I never quite had his full attention, like the other day we went out to the Kemi's party, his eyes kept darting all over the place, scoping like a predator and I knew if I wasn't with him, it probably would have been a different story. He didn't know my story, all he knew was 'I fitted the bill' but Dipo, he knew my story, he knew the stuff that made me up. Boye had no real depth neither did I really matter enough to him, I was his audience whilst he wanted always to be my stage.
Yes the preacher had a point, if I can watch these two men and weigh in the balances their actions, surely the Lord must do the same.... after all didn't He say He looks at our hearts not the lip service that we may pay but the heart and the corresponding actions that demonstrate our hearts.... Paul said I will show you my faith by my works...Grandma was right, now I had found a man with a heart that matched and understood mine & I his...
The above story is fiction, my name is not Demilade and there are no two men called Dipo and Boye vying for my attention at the moment... but I wanted to get your attention. The only reality in it was that I did hear a preacher say 'Heaven is watching' and he challenged something in me and taught me a thing or two... which I hope to share in the next blog.